Greetings to the Healthy Wealthy Thoughts crew. It has definitely been more than a minute, but I promise you it was all for the best. Where have I been? I went inside of myself and sat with me. If I am going to be sharing real life experiences, and suggesting methods of healing, it is best I am engulfed in it.
Studying mindfulness from a book, and not baring the entire fruit of it was me being short of self. It is hard to share with the people you love that you are stepping away to be intentionally mindful of self and that you would love their support while you do so. When I shared this with the people I loved, not everyone took it well. Some told me to take the time I needed and were proud that I was finally minding myself. Others said okay and never checked in with me. And others thought I needed one week and thought I was back to being an open shop just to be told I am not there yet.
With those who put a time on my healing were shocked that I wasn't opening my front door. I was told I was weak; that I was a self-proclaimed queen; that I am full of sh!t; and if that wasn't enough, they left my life. At first, I took it hard, because I didn't understand why a person who said they were my friend could act like that. I didn't know how to hear the words they used to describe my healing process, and let it blow with the wind. I began to sulk internally, question my healing process, and wonder if any of what they have stated was true.
Months passed by, and it hit a dark bottom of misery that reflected I was living in the beliefs of someone else's story of me; that I was trying to find something that didn't need to be found because the only way for the narrative of what someone else thought of me could live is if I believed it. I began to reflect on what my goals were and if it matched what they said. I also began to hear what other people who stayed in my circle said about me and they were nothing but good things.
My support circle spoke life into me by encouraging me, offering guidance, and corrected me. Granted I do have things to work on but the way in which they said it didn't degrade, subtract nor kill my spirit. What does these three things look like? Encouragement looks like words or acts that boost your ability and willingness to complete goals that reinforce goals. Offering guidance looks like words, and or acts that helps you get and stay on the right track of a goal. Correction looks like words or acts that assists you in maintaining goals so you don't get off track. Degradation is used to shame, instill fear, and pull your spirits down. To subtract something doesn't mean it is negative but if something or someone is subtracting from you and it is of no positive benefit, it isn't good. To kill someone's spirit is to take away all the life, joy and hope from a person to the point they aren't able or willing to do anything.
I isolated myself. Brought my paper and pen out and started working on writing things I don't like and do like about what is going on with my life. Then I separated them into two categories: Short-term and long-term. After that, I began to write out what I have control over and what I don't have control over. After that, I wrote out what I wanted the goal to result in, what I do have, what I do need, and what resources I require to attain that goal. What does this look like for those who never goal set before? For example, I could be 220 lbs and want to lose 50 lbs. What I have control over is what I eat. What I don't have control over is that since I work in a pastry shop, I see my favorite chocolate cake everyday. What I would have to do is cut back on eating chocolate cake everyday to maybe having a slice two days out of the week. I would also need a gym membership, and to incorporate a more balanced diet. What I require is actually going to the gym, cutting back on my cake intake, drinking more water and eating 2 slices of cake two times a week instead of everyday.
I stuck to my personal regimen. The more I empowered myself and spent quality time with myself, I was able to say no to things I normally wouldn't have. The desire to get energy, and or attention outside of myself decreased. It was easier for me to tell someone no, or not right now. I developed a process with my mind, body and spirit. This process helped me to determine if someone or something was beneficial to my goals or not. I learned that people don't mind you breaking your back for them. Even if you told these people you got one rib left, they would say that they would do it for you. Lies! Don't believe that. As soon as you do that, others around you would call you foolish and remind you that the decision you made is something you will have to deal with because they have their own lives.
Give yourself time to sit in this seat of minding yourself. It can seem like you're letting yourself down, because you're used to people pleasing and always available. See how people respond when you're not available. I guarantee you that they will eventually do it on their own, and or find someone else to do it for them. And then once they find someone else or start to do it on their own, check to see if they come around anymore, and if they do what for. At times, this is where you will start to see that you were just a place holder for them, an option. You may feel betrayed, secluded, angry and disappointed. Instead of staying in this mindset of betrayal, use this opportunity to rejoice and tap yourself on your shoulder for getting out of their way and stepping into your own lane where you have always belonged. Now you are able to do what you need to do for yourself.
I am not advocating for isolation or for you to shut people out of your lives, but if that is a requirement for you to heal, get to know yourself and or to have a peace of mind, please do what you must. As you detox from the reality you are in now to create a healthier version, please do work on your mental health. It'll help you learn and understand what was going on as well as healthier ways to perceive and set boundaries that reflect growth and not just resentment.
Step into the new year with a healthy mindset of helping yourself one thought at a time. Embrace the best for you by acknowledging areas you want help in and seeking the guidance of others who are working on that same goal. You aren't able to share parts of yourself that you don't have. Be mindful of today but also be prepared to live in the moment at your best.
Until then, keep your thoughts healthy and wealthy.
Happy new years